COOKING MY WAY TO MOTHERHOOD

Hello, my name is Agi and I’m a dooce‘oholic. The last 72 hours I have spent on the couch, laptop resting under my chin, while browsing through the archives and flickr files uploaded by the Armstrongs for the world to see and get ADDICTED! I haven’t slept, eaten, brushed, or shaved. I may have cut some cheese here and there, but was too busy to acknowledge it. Here’s a proof of the madness found after I had finally scraped my rear end off of the above-mentioned piece of our household.

Seriously, I think I should quit dooce, you know, the most popular mommy blog on the face of the Earth. My maternal instincts have been howling for quite some time now. Hence, Cosmo. Hence, the girls and boys names’ lists. Hence, dooce… The problem with the latter is that every time I visit the website and watch some 30 second video of the Armstrongs’ older offspring, or a picture of their joyous 6-month old dumpling with those HUGE blue eyes, it’s as if I was tossing shots of grain alcohol into a fireplace while standing right in front of it.

It’s not the lack of practice that stops Jason and I from procreating, oh no. On the contrary, we have been practicing with such intensity and devotion that we discovered we possessed skills previously unbeknownst to us. I shall elaborate on that…NOT.

There are several reasons preventing us from making babies, however. The most immediate one is made of lubricated latex. Next, there are several existential circumstances, if you will, that are still amiss for us to start talking family. And if I am to point fingers, a steady income and health insurance, or rather a temporary lack there of must take the blame.

In order to expedite the process of getting our shit together and organizing our lives, I’ve been proactive securing our best odds. Not only have I been flipping coins into the local WISHING WELL, rubbing Buddha’s belly right before bed, offering an innocent lamb to Zeus and the rest of the Olympian gang on every full moon, but also I’ve been trying to start my own business and work as a Personal Chef. Considering how brand new the idea is, I’m proud to say the first clients arrived.

Let me share with you my joy of cooking for people who love the food I make for them. Cheers to the very simple GREEN SALAD WITH MAPLE ROASTED ROOT VEGETABLES.

What you do is you go to a store and pick up a bunch of fresh, organic root vegetables like carrots, parsnips, red and golden beets, and maybe some butternut squash to finish the patchwork of colors. Peel ‘em and cut ‘em in even chunks. Preheat your oven to 400°. Spread the colorful joy of nature flat on a baking sheet, then season it all with kosher salt and black pepper, drizzle with olive oil and then maple syrup (Grade B, always). Roll your sleeves up and get your hands dirty mixing all veggies and spreading the love evenly. Shove the pan into the oven and let them ROAST for 25 to 40 minutes (depending on the size of your chunks, and I’m not talking dirty here).

While the root vegetables are getting their sins forgiven within the hell of your oven, fetch your greens (e.g. arugula, chopped collard greens, spinach) – wash ‘em, spin ‘em dry, and place  ‘em in a BIG bowl. Add a handful of chopped toasted pecans, drizzle with a simple BALSAMIC VINAIGRETTE (you know: balsamic vinegar, good olive oil, salt, pepper, Magic Bullet or a whisk in a fast hand), and toss around. When your veggies are done, let them cool for a minute and then add to the bowl. Once again, shake ‘em up a little with your salad spoons. Last but not least, crumble just a touch of goat cheese all over the bowl for that extra creamy texture. It’s optional, however, as the salad will be just PHENOMENAL without the cheese as well.

Believe it or not, this very SALAD WITH MAPLE ROASTED ROOT VEGETABLES makes for a delectable, healthy, balanced, and perfectly satiating dinner. If there is anything else to do that evening it’s to enjoy a glass of wine and shag your better half.